we're blogging at a bar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
