He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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