Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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