You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
