How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
