i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize