if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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