OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
