i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
