Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
