I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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