dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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