Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
