Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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