I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
