the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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