I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
