What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
