"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
