I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
