hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
