my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
