I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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