I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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