Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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