I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
