Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
