I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
