My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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