in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
