If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
