WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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