You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
