I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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