I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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