life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize