Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
