if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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