I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
