It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
