I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
