it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize