Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I would fuck him just for his dog
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
