That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
