somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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