Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
