dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
