East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
