Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize