You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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