She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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