I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
