you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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