I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
