I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize