She's JV to your varsity
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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