why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
