So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize