you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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