So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
tell me about the eggs
tell me about the fingering
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
