just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
