As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
