Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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