also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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