their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
