Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
