With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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