you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize