do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
