Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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