Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
