This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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