i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
