Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
