Sponge bath it is.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
